If Not You, Then Who?

I was awoken by the bedroom light that flashed on at 1:00 a.m., and the sounds of someone demanding we all get out of our beds. There were seven of us girls in this room with ages ranging from 5 to 17; I was 12 at the time. There, standing in the doorway was a girl that I had met for the first time earlier that evening. This was to be her last night in foster care. Child services had nowhere else to place her but in the foster home that my sister and I had only known for 6 months.

She demanded we all get up and stand by our beds, so we did. One of the girls was sent to get a knife while she decided whom the main victims of her emotionally painful game would be; she chose my sister and me. In the middle of that large bedroom she made her humiliating demands of us, holding a knife near our throats and swinging it in the air toward our faces. We stood half clothed while sobbing and begging her to stop and to just let us go back to bed. She left the room just as abruptly as she came in, but only after she threatened to kill anyone who told of what she had done. She was never seen again.

 

I cried many tears over the years when thoughts of this experience would arise. How could life be so cruel? Why me? Then one day I closed my eyes and meditated on the question of "If not you, then who? Find one girl in that room Teresa that you would have wanted to take your place." It became very clear to me; there was not one girl whom I would have wanted to take my place. My thinking changed from "Why me?" to "Yes, Why not me?" Why not me, there is nothing special about me? For the first time I was thankful, thankful that it was I that bore the humiliation. Inside this realization came peace. In that moment I cried for the other girls as thoughts of what the experience might have been for them having to watch. The feeling of helplessness, of not knowing what to do to make the girl stop, all of which I would not have wanted to bear. I would not have wanted to be the one to watch. Life had been kind. I had been spared, and for that, I am thankful.

Life never gives you more than you can handle. The truth of this is beyond the mind, it is peace beyond understanding.

If not you, then who? I assure you, you are the ONE!